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Things Aren't As Pretty On The Inside....

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yo yo yo Jul. 16th, 2008 @ 07:18 pm
what up peoples. still around. doing my thing. in school, college. doing great. got on dean's list last semester. anyways. looking for a job. still with heather. went to bonnaroo twice. seen quite a few bands since been on. will update more later
Current Mood: accomplishedaccomplished

welllll Jan. 6th, 2007 @ 11:29 pm
just wanted to drop in. i'm doing wonderfully well. living with my hippie wife heather, have been for almost six months. she makes every day perfect. working, saving up money. did graduate, haven't started college yet. that's about it. that's whats been up. and went to quite a few shows. alright. laters.
Current Location: heather's
Current Mood: blankblank
Current Music: none

my next purchase... by emanuel swedenborg Mar. 5th, 2006 @ 11:35 pm
The True Christian Religion (2nd Ed.) (Vol. 1)
New Paperback Issue
Subtitle: Containing the Universal Theology of the New Church Foretold by the Lord in Daniel 7 13, 14, and Revelation 21 1, 2
Current Mood: lonelylonely
Current Music: Placebo - Pure Morning
Other entries
» (No Subject)
are your dreams just out of your reach?
can you tell yourself to try another day
can't you just find another way
can't you live your life from day to day
without reaching for another stake..

and the cancer spreads again
filling in spreading thin
all you used to know
and the cancer spreads again
eating you from the inside, leaving you no place to hide

did you believe in yourself as a child
did you have hopes that you denied
did you sacrifice the only good thing left in you
just for a chance to make it through....

and the cancer spreads again
sinking in, staining skin
and the cancer spreads again
embolden the void between

now as you say goodbye
will tears fall from your eyes
is there anything left that can feel?
that part of you was real...

and the cancer spreads again
digging in, becoming him
and the cancer spreads again
never satisfied until death
» (No Subject)
overwhelmed submerged surrounded
sinking deeper, becoming grounded
underneath the chaos, below the frantic pace
embracing this calming holy place

swimming with the currents of destiny
don't mourn for me for i am happy
gaze to the place where i used to be
turning inward, glad to finally be free

don't try and follow, all you'll find
the broken world i left behind
i have longed to become, but was denied
the peaceful bliss i've found inside.
» dxm...
you know i think frank zappa has more talent than the majority of the groups i'm into. if he created all that music to the extent that he did, without the use of mind-expanding drugs. it is a testament to what one can accomplish just by utilizing the faculties of one's own abilities. makes me think about what huxley talked about in reference to great artists. the brain's main function in our species, to provide a means for efficient self-preservation, is to act as a sort of reducing valve for our perception. we are capable of recieving an infinitely larger amount of sensory information, but most of it is useless in regards to our day to day survival on this planet. well, just like how certain members of a species are born with minute advantages or disadvantages to their brothers, certain members of our species are born with that reducing valve opened just a little more than the rest of us. in the many panes of glass that are their door of perception, they have 3 panes clean, as opposed to our 1 and a half. and they nurture that aspect of themselves, and manifest it through art. like frank zappa. a modern day composer.
» (No Subject)
nothing much going on here. just still trying to graduate. got into patrick henry and i'm going there all the time now. i really love it up there. been buying and burning cds lately, lots of frank zappa and beatles and pink floyd, lots of sixties and seventies stuff. been reading "the electric kool-aid acid test" as well. good stuff, good stuff. anyways, that is about it. touchin it dry, as always.
» Fuck yeah this band n0w fucking rocks in my book
"He who makes a beast out of himself, gets rid of the pain of being a man"

Caught here in a fiery blaze, won't lose my will to stay.
These eyes won't see the same, after I flip today.
I tried to drive all through the night,
the heat stroke ridden weather, the barren empty sights.
No oasis here to see, the sand is singing deathless words to me.

Can't you help me as I'm startin' to burn (all alone).
Too many doses and I'm starting to get an attraction.
My confidence is leaving me on my own (all alone).
No one can save me and you know I don't want the attention.

As I adjust to my new sights the rarely tired lights will take me to new heights.
My hand is on the trigger I'm ready to ignite.
Tomorrow might not make it but everything's all right.
Mental fiction follows me; show me what it's like to be set free.


So sorry you're not here I've been sane too long my vision's so unclear.
Now take a trip with me but don't be surprised when things aren't what they seem.

Caught here in a fiery blaze, won't lose my will to stay.
These eyes won't see the same, after I flip today.

Sometimes I don't know why we'd rather live than die,
we look up towards the sky for answers to our lives.
We may get some solutions but most just pass us by,
don't want your absolution cause I can't make it right.
I'll make a beast out of myself, gets rid of all the pain of being a man.


So sorry you're not here I've been sane too long my vision's so unclear.
Now take a trip with me but don't be surprised when things aren't what they seem.
I've known it from the start all these good ideas will tear your brain apart.
Scared but you can follow me I'm too weird to live but much too rare to die.
» The Cost of My Desire?

[Zack de la Rocha]
The world is my expense..
The cost of my desire..
Jesus blessed me with its future..
And I protect it with fire..
So raise your fists and march around
Just don't take what you need
I'll jail and bury those committed
And smother the rest in greed!
Crawl with me into tomorrow
Or I'll drag you to your grave
I'm deep inside your children
They'll betray you in my name!

Hey! HEY!!
Hey! HEY!!

The lie is my expense..
The scope with my desire..
The party blessed me with its future..
And I protect it with fire
I am the Nina, the Pinta, the Santa...Maria
The noose and the rapist, the fields' overseer
The agents of orange, the priests of Hiroshima
The cost of my desire...Sleep Now In The Fire!

Hey! HEY!!
Hey! HEY!!

For it's the end of history..
It's caged and frozen still..
There is no other pill to take..
So swallow the one...that makes you ill
The Nina, the Pinta, the Santa...Maria
The noose and the rapist, the fields' overseer
The agents of orange, the priests of Hiroshima
The cost of my desire...Sleep Now In The Fire!


[guitar riff]

» How I've Been Feeling Lately..
Overcome by your moving temple overcome by
this holiest of altars so pure so rare to witness such a earthly
I lost my self control beyond compelled to
throw this dollar down before your holiest of altars
I'll sell my soul my self-esteem a dollar
at a time
for one chance one kiss one taste of you my
I've beared witness to this place, this
lair, so long forgotten so pure, so rare, to witness such a
lovely goddess
and I'd sell my soul my self-esteem a
dollar at a time
for one chance one kiss one taste of you my
black madonna
I'll sell my soul my self-esteem a dollar
at a time
for one taste of you my magdalena
» Why I Hate the Church, the Bible, and Men
Eriatarka Zero: i can just see myself in the future becoming the typical male because i'm so embittered by me being truthful and loving to women and them rippin the ol heart out and using it to practice acupuncture.
Eriatarka Zero: you should talk to your gender for me.
Eriatarka Zero: get em to straighten up.
Eriatarka Zero: threaten time out.
Eriatarka Zero: and no oprah.
Eriatarka Zero: they'll listen.
Eriatarka Zero: i know them all too well.
phi in the sky x: HAHAHAHAHHA
phi in the sky x: oprah is satan
Eriatarka Zero: damn right.
Eriatarka Zero: well.
Eriatarka Zero: i think reagan was satan.
Eriatarka Zero: but oprah could be the antichrist.
phi in the sky x: oprah is satan's minion
Eriatarka Zero: yeeeah
Eriatarka Zero: a demi-demon.
Eriatarka Zero: explain to them that men have become the way they are because it's a symptom of the way women are to them.
Eriatarka Zero: well.
Eriatarka Zero: actually.
Eriatarka Zero: apologize for the men, and the chauvenistic way we've treated them pretty much since the beginning of time, remind them how they have the same rights we do now. and ask them if they'll have no hard feelings.
phi in the sky x: bahah i'll do that
phi in the sky x: definitely
Eriatarka Zero: good.
Eriatarka Zero: because i feel bad, as a whole. and we're really sorry about that. honestly you can blame the church for perpetuating the whole patriarchal view of the world and society and all.
phi in the sky x: lol
Eriatarka Zero: but we ran the church
Eriatarka Zero: and we're sorry.
phi in the sky x: dude
Eriatarka Zero: ?
phi in the sky x: it says in the bible that men are supposed to run the church
phi in the sky x: and that it's unchristianly for women to do ANYTHING of high ranking in church
Eriatarka Zero: yeah
phi in the sky x: i just learned that shit
Eriatarka Zero: the bible is bullshit
Eriatarka Zero: if you didnt know
Eriatarka Zero: it was written by men with prejudices. not god. and not men who were spoken to by god.
Eriatarka Zero: some of them might have been, but i'm sure their books weren't included.
Eriatarka Zero: in a nutshell, jesus wasn't divine. and if everyone knew that, the church would have no headway and no power in the world. especially back then.
phi in the sky x: i agree
Eriatarka Zero: so... they created the myth that jesus was a divine being, incapable of procreating with a mortal female (which he did) and thus making man the powerholder. and in doing that they were able to supress women, the divine female from which life is given, whom "pagan" religions used to worship for her sanctity.
phi in the sky x: damn right!
Eriatarka Zero: and made her evil. and unholy. and a lesser creature. and society from then until now has been patriarchal, creating the myth that man is above and seperate from mother nature, and that it must be conquered.
Eriatarka Zero: you can blame that on the church.
Eriatarka Zero: and any information about jesus being a father and having a bloodline was also supressed.
Eriatarka Zero: so.
Eriatarka Zero: fuck the church, fuck written history, and above all fuck man.
Eriatarka Zero: back then anyways.
phi in the sky x: hahahah
phi in the sky x: yes indeed
» Your Time is Gonna Come...
Lyin', cheatin', hurtin, that's all you seem to do.
Messin' around with every guy in town,
Puttin' me down for thinkin' of someone new.
Always the same, playin' your game,
Drive me insane, trouble is gonna come to you,
One of these days and it won't be long,
You'll look for me but baby, I'll be gone.
This is all I gotta say to you woman:
*Your Time Is Gonna Come X4
Made up my mind to break you this time,
Won't be so fine, it's my turn to cry.
Do want you want, I won't take the brunt.
It's fadin' away, can't feel you anymore.
Don't care what you say 'cause I'm goin' away to stay,
Gonna make you pay for that great big hole in my heart.
People talkin' all around,
Watch out woman, no longer
Is the joke gonna be on my heart.
You been bad to me woman,
But it's coming back home to you.
* Chorus
» That Rhyme Time
Eriatarka Zero: sigh
Eriatarka Zero: :-X
ozzyeatbats: you know it
Eriatarka Zero: you show it, flow it.
ozzyeatbats: haha. i was bout to bust a groove
ozzyeatbats: son
Eriatarka Zero: yeah boy throw it on the fire to sizzle
ozzyeatbats: fuck. i lost my guitar pick
ozzyeatbats: wait
ozzyeatbats: haha
ozzyeatbats: no i didnt
ozzyeatbats: im just stoned
Eriatarka Zero: yeah boy that confused glaze
ozzyeatbats: well then fuck you B, i see how it be. and yeah nigga i did just use that rhyme, now watch as i catch my groove as i watch Berlin on tv play that tune.
Eriatarka Zero: oh no you didnt not gonna let you finish i'm in it like slim fit i throw down that hype shit and right with the right shit bout to get ya wig split
Eriatarka Zero: ride*
ozzyeatbats: cant you see it b? there is no slim just faggot posers, sittin in the room with their own posters! when you see how me and my crew ride, itll make you run to yo momma and make you confide.
Eriatarka Zero: man shit what you spit is wack i bet they won't have ya back when i'm playin a track and the bitches shake the cracks like boom shaka lack
Eriatarka Zero: hahahha
ozzyeatbats: man you better watch your luck, my niggas crazy as fuck. those fools got my back as i grab my gat. just like in 95 i had their back, as i whipped out my 9. shootin, lootin, whippin motha fuckas in the back of the head. im the only bitch that didnt end up dead.
ozzyeatbats: 818! 213! 310! 323! LA BIATCH!
» (No Subject)
Sometimes i really wish i didn't care so much.
» sigh
[Groupie:] "Oh my God, what a fabulous room!
"Are all these your guitars?"
[Film in background:] "I'm sorry sir, I didn't mean to startle you!"
[Groupie:] "God, this place is bigger than our apartment."
"Uh, could I get a drink of water?"
[Film:] "Let me know when you are entering a room" Yes sir!"
[Groupie:] "Ya want some? Huh?"
[Film:] "Yes"
[Groupie:] "Oh wow! Look at this tub!"
"You wanna take a bath?"
[Film:] "I'll have to find out from Mrs. Bancroft what time she wants to meet us, for here main..."
[Groupie:] "What're you watching?"
[Film:] "If you'll just let me know as soon as you can....Mrs. Bancroft. Mrs. Bancroft..."
[Groupie:] "Hello?"
[Film:] "I don't understand..."
[Groupie:] "Are you feeling ok?"

Day after day
Love turns gray
Like the skin on the dying man
And night after night
We pretend it's all right
But I have grown older
And you have grown colder
And nothing is very much fun, anymore
And I can feel
One of all my turns coming on
I feel
Cold as a razor blade
Tight as a tourniquet
Dry as a funeral drum

Run to the bedroom
In the suitcase on the left
You'll find my favorite axe
Don't look so frightened
This is just a passing phase
One of my bad days
Would you like to watch TV?
Or get between the sheets?
Or contemplate the silent freeway?
Would you like something to eat?
Would you like to learn to fly?
Would ya?
Would you like to see me try?
Ohh, No...

Would you like to call the cops?
Do you think it's time I stopped?
Why are you running away?
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